


Star gazing

by Catastrophicchloe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Castiel Has Nightmares, Castiel Has Panic Attacks, Dean Has Nightmares, Gen, Human Castiel, Human Castiel in the Bunker, M/M, Nightmares, Sam is mentioned, Sharing a Bed, you could probably read this as purely friendship if you wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 18:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15394365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catastrophicchloe/pseuds/Catastrophicchloe
Summary: When he can't sleep Cas begins sneaking out of the bunker to watch the stars until one night Dean joins him.





	Star gazing

It's easier this time, loosing his grace. The brief time he'd spent as human after Metatron took it from him taught him a lot, but not as much as Sam and Dean have over the years. 

There are some things that can't be taught, habits he never picked up when he was an angel and that's how he finds himself lying in his bed staring up at the ceiling unable to sleep. He risks another glance at the numbers on the clock beside him 2:48am.

Tonight is a particularly bad one. Sometimes it's easier than others sometimes he can drift off to sleep easily only for nightmares to wake him up in the middle of the night drenched in a cold sweat and hands shaking. Then there's nights like this one where no matter what he tries he can't stop the thoughts from racing in his mind. There were lots of things about being human that came easily to him but sleep did not. It happens all at once as if his brains decided it can't take anymore his heart is pounding and his chest is constricting ripping the air out of his lungs faster than he can take it in.

He swings his legs out of the bed kicking away the covers he'd been tangled in sitting up on the edge of his bed still gasping for air and forcing himself to take in a few deep breaths until he manages to calm himself some. He's given up on the hope of getting any kind of decent sleep at that point and hauls himself off the bed and onto his feet he needs to get out of there his room suddenly feels tiny and suffocating. For the first time in a while he misses his wings. The shock of the cold wooden floor on his bare feet sends a shiver down his spine that's another thing he's not used to, cold or hot for that matter he'd felt neither when he'd still had his grace. 

He makes the decision to pull on a pair of thick wool socks before padding into the kitchen the shirt he's wearing is beginning to fray at the edges and its just a little too big occasionally beginning to slip down one of his shoulders. He'd been given some hand me downs from both the brothers but this one was likely Deans given the fact it almost fit and wasn't hanging halfway down his thighs. He concludes the same about the sweat pants he's currently wearing considering he hasn't had to roll them up to keep from tripping over them.

The kitchen is filled with a low electrical hum soon interrupted by the coffee maker spluttering to life a mug clattering as its set down and then a set of fingers tapping against the work top impatiently.

The warmth seeping through the mug from the freshly poured coffee is soothing and Cas wraps his hands around it tighter as he heads out of the kitchen through the library. That's where he'd started going on the nights like these where sleep just wouldn't come but he could never focus on the books he tried to pass the time with and staring at the bunker walls for hours only made things worse. It may have been big enough to house 50 people but it could feel strangely claustrophobic at times. Instead he headed through to the war room swinging open the door at the top of the stair case there. The cool air hit him instantly. It hadn't been like this at first he'd been used to the balmy summer air even at night it was bearable but now they were in the middle of fall heading closer and closer towards winter and the temperatures had dropped dramatically. Still he headed out socked feet now clad in a pair of heavy boots he kept by the door. Despite the chill the skies were clear. He didn't have to walk far from there the entrance to the bunker still in perfect view. He sits cross legged on the grass looking up. Above him thousands of stars filling the sky just as they always were. He let out a deep breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and took a sip from the mug in his hands. He'd started venturing out here at night after finding an old astronomy book in the library one day when he hadn't been able to sleep. It was calming being out here at night picking out the constellations he recognised. 

He was half way through connecting the dots to Orion in his mind, the mug still clasped between his hands was now mostly empty, when the bunker door opened. The noise startled him head whipping around.He'd never been disturbed out here before everyone was usually asleep at this time.

The door was shut almost as quickly as it opened, "Dean?" He was confused, was something wrong? He didn't look hurt or worried he was just standing there eyes squinting as they adapted to the sudden darkness. 

"Cas? That you?" His voice was deep and scratchy as if he'd just woken up. His eyes were still adapting to the dim light but he was already making his way towards the figure he could just about make out through the darkness the grass crunching under his feet with every step. 

"Is everything alright? What're you doing out here?" Cas asked eyes still scanning over him for some kind of problem, an explanation for why he'd be out here at past 3 in the morning.

"Everything's fine, was looking for you." He was closer now and his eyes were beginning to adapt to the darkness. The moon cast a dull light across them just enough that he could make out Cas' features through the shadows. 

"Oh." He took a sip from the mug though his coffee had long gone cold in the chilly air. 

Dean to his surprise settled himself by his side on the grass their knees bumping together. They sat like that for a while in comfortable silence until Castiels curiosity got the better of him, "how did you know I'd be out here?"

"Door to your room was open, you weren't in the kitchen and your boots were gone." He shrugs as if it's no big deal, "wanted to make sure you were alright." He adds a little quieter. Dean knew as well as anyone that nighttime could be difficult especially for fallen angels who were still learning what sleep was. 

Cas nods and they fall back into an easy silence for a while Deans looking down at the ground kicking at the dirt with his feet and Cas has his head tilted back staring up at the sky again.

"So why are you out here anyway?"

"Couldn't sleep. Why were you wandering around the bunker at 3am?" Cas replies without looking down.

"Couldn't sleep." He doesn't give much pause moving on quickly to change the subject "so what are you doing out here?"

"I already told you, I couldn't sleep." He's looking at him now eyes squinted and head tilted to the side just a little.

"No, I mean I know, but why are you out here not inside?" 

"I like to look at the stars." 

Dean pauses for a while as the memory comes back to him, "Me and Sammy used to do that sometimes. Park up the impala in the middle of nowhere and sit out on the hood watching the stars for hours." His lips have turned up at the corners not quite a smile just yet "Even bought him this old astronomy book when we were kids, with all the constellations and shit in. He used to try to point them out to me, course I just called him a nerd and never paid much attention." He's smiling now looking up at the sky just as Cas was a moment ago.

"I like the constellations too." He's smiling now as well. There's a few beats of silence until he raises his hand "that one there is Orion." He explains pointing out the cluster of stars.

"I don't see it, all look the same to me." Dean shrugs but Cas doesn't give up and moves his hand to point at something else.

"It starts with that one there, then this one..." He continues pointing tracing the pattern with his finger and Dean leans closer bumping their shoulders together as he follows the invisible lines Cas is drawing in the sky.

At some point Cas forgets why they're even out there in the first place his empty mug is discarded on the ground by his side and he's leaning into Deans side gesturing to the sky wildly as he attempts to explain the story behind one of the constellations he's just drawn out for him. He's halfway through his explanation when the cold hits him all of a sudden the chilly air he'd forgotten about causes a shiver to wrack through his body not going unnoticed by Dean who at this point is practically pressed up against his side. He hadn't seem to realise before then that Cas was human which meant he felt the cold now and had been sitting outside during November in the middle of the night wearing nothing but a worn out t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants it was a miracle he didn't have hypothermia. Ok that might be going a little too far but dammit it was cold that was his point. 

"Dude you must be freezing." Dean says he's already removed the thick canvas jacket he'd been wearing and is in the process of shoving it around Cas' shoulders despite his protests.

"I'll be fine Dean." He says trying to shove the jacket off right as he shivers again and fights to stop his teeth from chattering he really wishes he'd remembered to pick up a coat now. It was another one of those things he was still getting used to needing more than one set of clothes and remembering he'd need to pick up a jacket when going outside in the middle of November.

He lets Dean herd him back inside after that and they sit at the table in the kitchen sipping on the hot chocolate Dean made in an attempt to warm him up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dean asks out of the blue he hadn't said anything since they'd come inside.

"About what?"

"Why you couldn't sleep."

"Oh" He takes a moment to think about it staring down into the mug clasped between his hands as if it holds all the answers "No, I'm ok. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I get nightmares sometimes." Cas nods in understanding he's had them too in the time since he lost his grace, he gets it. He waits to see if he gives any more explanation but he doesn't and they finish their drinks in silence.

Cas stays there for a while staring into his empty mug he knows he should go back to his room try to get some sleep, but he can't seem to will himself to move despite his eyelids drooping more and more the longer he sits there.

"You should try get some sleep." Dean suggests and Cas is pretty sure he just read his mind. 

He nods in response but still can't find it in himself to move. He's warmer now at least. Cold but no longer shivering.

"You sure you're ok?" Dean asks but Cas can barely hear him because it's happening again the walls feel like they're closing in on him and all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and his hands are shaking but this time it's not from the cold he shoves them under the table hoping Dean won't notice but of course he already has. "Hey Cas, you hear me buddy? Yeah that's it just look at me you need to breathe ok just copy me." Dean takes in a deep breath and releases it slowly talking him through it until he can see straight again. 

"Thank you." He says once he's calm enough to speak.

"Is that why you can't sleep?" 

"sometimes."

Theres a brief moment of conflict flashing across Deans face before he's on his feet and already making his way towards the door "C'mon." He says glancing over his shoulder to Cas still seated at the table.

"where are we going?" Cas asks curious but getting up to follow him anyway.

"To sleep." He says it as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

They end up in Cas' room which isn't anything unusual Deans been in there countless times before he even helped him with arranging the furniture how he wanted it but then Dean surprises him when he climbs into the bed next to him.

"Is this ok? This way if it happens again you can just wake me up." He explains refusing to meet cas' eyes. This was such a bad idea. He'd done it for Sammy before when they were kids and he'd had a bad dream but that was his little brother and they were young this was Cas it was different and he was trying desperately not to make it weird or freak Cas out even more.

"Yes it's ok." Cas says as he shuffles around to find a comfortable spot. 

It becomes somewhat of a regular occurrence after that more often than not Dean wakes to find Cas has crawled into his bed at some point during the night and on rare occasions Cas wakes up to find Dean in his room curled up on the other side of his bed after the nightmares got too bad. It happens once when they're out on a hunt, all 3 of them. Sam chooses not to say anything when he notices Cas has moved from his spot on the couch into the bed next to his own with Dean. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated but thank you for taking the time to read this regardless <3
> 
> I wrote most of this at 3am so um sorry it kinda sucked. I also know nothing about stars and constellations so any inaccuracies there are due to the fact I had to google everything.


End file.
